Hazel Brown
by No Fate 1990
Summary: In this story, Olivia Benson is Erin Lindsay's mentor and closet friend. Erin helps Olivia through a tough time.
1. Hazel Brown

Erin's p.o.v

Hazel brown eyes

A picture worth a thousand words

Major differences and comparisons between you and me

An once in a lifetime kind of thing

Gothic masterpiece

Internal secret struggle

Constant uphill battle

A puzzle worth figuring out

This distorted reality of mine

Hazel brown eyes

Your treasure chest of many secrets


	2. An Absolute Sweetheart

Olivia's p.o.v

You are an absolute sweetheart

Only time knows how long you can stay this way

Unique, you are too good to be true

Not today but someday, trouble will draw near again

I experience pain and you drop everything for me

My dear friend

Beloved underdog of mine

Unsung jaded faded glory

Sanctuary of an eternally beautiful mind


	3. Nothing Much To Say

Erin's p.o.v

Injustice breaks your heart

As usual you have nothing much to say

Near to skin and bones

Will you finally let me all the way in?

Still and quiet, you have nothing much to say


	4. Dear Friend

Erin's p.o.v

Hank is grumpier and moodier than normal. I can hear the pain and sorrow in his voice. We talk

privately in his office. "What's the matter?" concern, I ask him. "It's Olivia. She is going through a

tough time. She needs a friend" he admits. "Olivia was fine the last time I saw her. She didn't want

me to worry about her" I recount. "It's worse this time" he discloses making my heart tremble with

fear. Compassionate, Jay cradles my tears and kisses them away.

* * *

Olivia's p.o.v

Dear sweet Erin dropped everything for me. She traveled all the way from Chicago to be with me.

My breast cancer prognosis caught her off guard. Like my colleagues, she didn't treat me any

differently. We laughed and cried together. She offered to be Noah's guardian just in case I may

die.


	5. If we were really related

City: New York City

Place: Olivia Benson's apartment

Scene: Noah's bedroom

Olivia (putting Noah to bed): Goodnight, my love

Noah (falling asleep): Goodnight, mommy

Olivia (turning off the lights): Dream sweet dreams, my little prince

Erin (standing in the hallway): You are an amazing mother to Noah

Olivia: Thanks. I have always wanted to have a child

Scene: The Den

Action: Olivia and Erin are eating food and watching tv

Erin Lindsey (somewhat emotional): You have breast cancer?!

Olivia Benson (choked up): Unfortunately yes

Erin: I hate cancer

Olivia: I am not afraid

Erin: Why you must be strong all of the time?

Olivia: I was born this way

Erin: I was born into bad news

Olivia: At least you are not a child of rape

Erin: How can you live with that label?

Olivia: It doesn't define me

Erin (fighting back tears ): You're so alone and vulnerable

Olivia (squeezing Erin's hand): I am fine. No worries.

Erin: People have compared Jay and me to you and Elliot

Olivia (laughing): Really?

Erin: Yes

Olivia: If we were really related

Erin: You could be my mom

Olivia: You could be my daughter


	6. Elevated Fear and Despair

Olivia's p.o.v

Elevated fear and despair

A secret private hell

Racing against the clock

The big C

Heartless stonecold cancer

Elevated fear and despair

A constant merry-go-round

This heavy daily dose of radiation


	7. Dealing With The Big C

Erin's p.o.v

Dealing with the big c

You can use a hug about right now

Even if you don't know how it all will end

Stay strong

Chemotherapy makes you happy and feel better briefly

A pink ribbon symbolizes hope during this tough time

Passing through like a butterfly

Exhale and inhale the love in the atmosphere


	8. Don't Let Her Go

Hank's p.o.v

Hello there, sweetheart

One beautiful morning spent with you is enough

They say let her go, but I contour

I am sure she will appreciate and remember me even if she moves on

My destiny is not tied to hers and thats okay

Even though she was born into bad news, she will be loved by me


	9. You came, saw, and conquered

Erin's p.o.v

You came, saw, and conquered

A cancerous disease

Wintery mix

Never seen before mysterious wonders

Obvious overlooked clear blue signs

This speedy recovery of yours

Obvious overlooked big miracle

You came, saw, and conquered

A bitterly cold dark world


	10. Endless Marathon

Erin's p.o.v

Beaming, the sun overshadows us. Jay, Will, Natalie, and me are participating in a marathon that

raises money for cancer research. Jay spots a potential terrorist and chases after him. Thankfully,

the suspect is caught and arrested before chaos breaks out. I am relieved and yet very cautious. A

text message from Olivia troubles me. The text messages reads her cancer has returned. I am in

total shock and disarray.


	11. A Life Worth Remembering and Saving

Olivia's p.o.v

I am here in Chicago because Erin wanted to have a weekend girls retreat. I never knew she and

Hank were planning a party for me at Molly's. Erin tricked me, but I forgave her anyway. I was

overwhelmed by the amount of love and support that I received. Erin's mom crashed

the party. She was uninvited as a matter of fact. Her jealously and rudeness almost ruined

my happy moment. An unexpected heart attack silenced her for good. Accompanied by

Erin, she died on the way to the hospital.


	12. Realization and Acceptance

Olivia's p.o.v

Your eyes are the color of blood

Always struggling to close the floodgates, you lack self-control

Waiting hopelessly for a solution

Now is not the time for retaliation

One hundred white doves fly above us

These losses teach us to love more longer and deeper


	13. Nevermind Me Please

Erin's p.o.v

Nevermind me please

I am a mere distraction and hot mess

Going underwater

Having hope doesn't matter to me anymore

Only a burned down bridge can satisfy me

Struggling to keep up, you meet me halfway

Tear me apart piece by piece if you must

Only your compassion can make today to feel less like hell

Passing through, these symptoms of depression disappear for good


	14. Our absent parents

Time Period: A few months after the funeral

Place: The Cemetery

Scene: Erin's mom gravesite

Erin (angry, she begins walking away): Visiting my mom's gravesite was a bad idea

Olivia: I know everything is still fresh

Erin (hysterical ): Apart of me wanted my mom dead. She ruined my life. She lied about my father's identity.

Olivia (embracing Erin): I understand, sweetheart

Erin (resisting Olivia): You have never walked in my shoes

Olivia (choked up): My mom was a drug addict. We didn't get along. She died in 2000. I never told her goodbye.

Erin: That's sad


	15. Temporary Father and Mother Figure

Erin's p.o.v

With good intentions, Hank calls me back into his office. "How are you feeling today,

Erin?" Hank asks me. "I am determined to make it through today" I respond. "Has Olivia checked

up on you today?" He pursues. "Olivia sent me a good morning text as a matter of fact" happily,

I boast. "Olivia is good for you. You are like a daughter to her. I wish she could've stayed in town

longer" he reminiscences. "She is only one call and text away" I tease him. "Sure" he smirks and

I can sense how much he cares about her.


	16. I held her hand

Hank's p.o.v

Unwanted, she was left to hang and dry like dirty laundry.

Drowning in quicksand, she tried not to cry. I held her hand. OH, what

a precious gift it has been to be her friend. Even though she keeps her guard up

most of the time, she acts like a freed bird.


	17. My Involuntary Surrender

Olivia's p.o.v

A long pregnant pause

My Involuntary Surrender

Beckoning great big sea

Echoes of a wellfought battle against cancer

Running horselike feet

Your unique special drumbeat

Love thriving on a single heartbeat


	18. Ebbing Throb and Flow

Erin's p.o.v

Ebbing throb and flow

An untouchable afterglow

This half cracked window into the unknown

Imminent sudden collapse and relapse

My brutal wake up call

Ebbing throb and flow

Such lost innocence

Such a tragic beauty


	19. Silently Passing Through

Olivia's p.o.v

Silently passing through

You are a memory

Safe in the arms of an angel

Tears from heaven above water the ground beneath my feet

Even if you are not here in the flesh with me, I will remember you

May you find the peace that your mind has been longing for


	20. Safe in the arms of an angel

Erin's p.o.v

Safe in the arms of an angel

I have fallen so low but at least I can rest peacefully

Life throws you in my path because you know where I am going

An endless marathon describes our faith

Safe in the arms of an angel

Take me and cherish me piece by piece


	21. Your Undying Devotion

Olivia's p.o.v.

Jumping for joy

Our crossed lucky stars

Your undying devotion is enough for me

One good deed renews my hope in humanity

Unspoken for Serenity rests her case

Right on cue, you show up


	22. A Full Grown Baby Girl

Erin's p.o.v

I am your full grown baby girl

May you always remember how much I care about you

A little birdy told me that you needed a friend

God laughs and smiles down on us

I am your guardian angel and vice versa

Not today or tomorrow will I choose violence over peace

A single hug and encouraging word from you means everything to me

Right there by your side is where I want to be

You claim that I am your hero


	23. Wishing She Was Here

Olivia's p.o.v

Concerned, Finn enters my office. "Baby girl, you are surely quiet today. What's the matter?" He asks

taking a seat. It's funny and yet weird for him to call me baby girl when we are not dating. I assume

he calls me that to make me feel special and important. "I was just wishing she was here" I admit.

"You must mean your mother. Today marks the anniversary of her death" Finn assumes. "I miss my

mother, but I wasn't talking about her. I meant Detective Erin Lindsey" I respond. Finn perks up as if

expecting to hear me say I am gay. " I am not gay. I am straight. I believe Erin would be a great asset

for our precinct" I correct him. "You should hire Erin then" Finn teases me. "I don't think Erin wants to

leave Hank or Chicago" I disclose. "You're right, Liv" Finn smirks walking out of my office.


	24. Nonesuch Time

Erin's p.o.v

Random comings and goings

A continuous cycle of hellos and goodbyes

Nonesuch time

A cool windbreeze

My metamorphosis

Enlightenment

Nonesuch time

Dreamless dreary foggy mist

Really dry hot desert

Echoes of a deep longing and thirst

A lifelong internal struggle

My burning candle


	25. Even The Strong Become Weak Sometimes

Olivia's p.o.v

In the mist of distributing tasks, I feel dizzy. "Baby girl, you look unwell. You need to sit down" Finn

advises me. "I am fine" I deny trying to act normal. Rollins and Carresee take Finn's side. "I am fine"

I repeat more loudly and firmly. They never get off my case. Suddenly, I lose consciousness and

faint. When I wake up, I find myself in a hospital room surrounded by love including Erin and

Elliot.


	26. X Marks The Spot Where We Started Over

Elliot's p.o.v

Near or distant, you are never far from my mind

Even if you feel you don't need a friend, I got you

X marks the spot where we started over

Take this second chance to realize and cherish what is really important in life


	27. To Be Loved, Wanted, and Well Cared For

Olivia's p.o.v

To be loved, wanted, and well cared for is such a blessing.

I will relax and rest comfortably while you handle the matters

of today. Stay overnight if you must. I trust you one hundred percent. To

be loved, wanted, and well cared for is such a blessing. You look after me

and I do the same thing for you.


	28. Holding Heaven In My Arms

Time Period: A Dream-A Possible Reality

Scenario: Olivia's Death

Erin's p.o.v

"I gave you orders. Now get to work!" livid, Hank yells at my colleagues and me. I know Hank is

about to cry because his eyes are watery. I assume it has something to do with Olivia. Everyone

except or me runs out of the door. Hank doesn't mind if I stay behind. We talk privately in his office.

"Olivia is dead. She lost her battle against breast cancer today. Elliot told me the news over the

phone" emotional, Hank announces to me. Shocked, I remain stuck in the denial stage of the

grieving process. My thoughts move as steadily as Olivia's funeral hearse.

* * *

Time Period: The Present Reality

Erin's p.o.v

Deeply disturbed, I woke up crying and screaming this morning. I almost had a panic attack.

Jay held me close and tightly. He assured me that Olivia would not lose her battle against breast

cancer. If Olivia was alive and well then why did she die in my dreams? Anxiety consumed me

until I arrived at work where the spirit of grief was less heavy. Hank said Olivia was recovering

nicely.


	29. Echoes and Signs of Hope

Erin's p.o.v

Echoes and signs of hope

Your enduring strength and faith

Extra sugar and spice

A time to laugh instead of cry

Hugs and smiles exchanged between us

Echoes and signs of Hope

A beautiful rainbow


	30. Never Too Late nor Far Away

Olivia's p.o.v

Never nor far away

You answer to the call of duty

Love does exist if you look more closely

Only you know how to make me smile and laugh

Never too late nor far away

Even now when you feel weary

Let the leaves fall, but don't change who you are

You are a star in your own right


	31. Don't Say I am Dying

Olivia's p.o.v

My colleagues threw me a "welcome back to work" party. I was overwhelmed with love and

gratitude. I never expected this surprise. I appreciated everyone's hard work. My dear friend,

Erin made a special guest appearance. She came on behalf of the entire Chicago PD. I assumed

Elliot wouldn't be able to attend the party because he was babysitting Noah at home. He proved

me wrong in the end.


	32. You came Through at Last

Olivia's p.o.v

You came through at last

Our past didn't matter nearly much as this present moment when we were together


	33. Extra Sugar and Spice

Erin's p.o.v

When I arrived at work, Hank wanted to talk immediately. He had important news to share with me.

I assumed Olivia's cancer returned, therefore I prepared myself for the worst. Hank announced

Olivia needed my service. She admired my work ethic. Hank already gave me his blessing. I

told him that I would think about it. "Take your time" were his final words on the matter. A

hostage situation reminded me that I couldn't abandon my colleagues. They supported me and

vice versa. Hank accepted my final decision. He wished me goodluck. I worried I had let my good

friend, Olivia Benson down.


	34. Still Cool Great Friends

Olivia's p.o.v

"Olivia!" startled, Erin exclaims opening the door. Erin didn't expect for me to visit her. "What did you

think about my offer?" I ask getting straight down to business. "I thank you for the job offer, but I

will have to pass. I can't leave Chicago PD. I have a life here in Chicago" Erin explains. "We are still

cool great friends" I promise. Erin studies me more closely as if trying to uncover a secret. "Is that

all you came to see me about?" she wonders. "As for now, my cancer is in remission" I confide in

her.


	35. She Has No Time

Erin's p.o.v

Staring hopelessly at the ground below

All things that are yellow begin to burn or turn gray

She has no time


	36. You Better Slow Down, Baby, Soon

Olivia's p.o.v

Elliot catches me before I can walk out of the door. "The doctor put you on mandatory bedrest"

Elliot reminds me. "I am well now. I will rest after I come home from work" I promise him. "You

might become seriously ill again" he worries.


	37. A Beautiful Day To Be Alive

Olivia's p.o.v

Back to the very beginning

A beautiful day to be alive

Giving back to society

I find meaning and purpose for my life again


	38. Mighty Long Stretch

Erin's p.o.v

A mighty long stretch

Your fight against cancer

Ever the same old song and dance

Standing by you through the laughter and tears

A mighty long stretch

Wishing and praying for the best outcome


	39. A Blue-gray Sky

Olivia's p.o.v

A Blue-gray sky

My bittersweet dilemma

A breaking point

This big moment of truth

Torn between optimism and pessimism


	40. Chasing and Wrestling Cancer

Erin's p.o.v

Chasing and wrestling cancer

A very dear close friend of mine

Running like crazy through the fire

I realize how truly precious, fragile, and short life is


	41. Hope She Beheld and Embraced

Olivia's p.o.v

A happy smiling face

Hope she beheld and embraced

A time full of grace and mercy

My sunshine on rainy stormy day


	42. Engaged

Erin's p.o.v

Hank came to work happy instead of grumpy today. Hank said he had good news to share with me.

We chatted behind closed doors. "Elliot proposed to Olivia. They are going to get married!" Hank

announced to me. "I am happy for them, but I fear the cancer may-" I trail off. "Olivia will not die"

Hank assured me with a hug.


	43. You are worth more than anything

Special Event: Elliot and Olivia's wedding

Erin's p.o.v (as a bridesmaid)

The more I stare at you, the more I realize you are perfect just the way you are. You are worth more

than anything. I love seeing you smile even in your fragile state. If it is God's will, your breathing and

beating heart may never stop.


	44. Even now let's pretend everything is ok

Olivia's p.o.v

Struggling to accept reality

Even now let's pretend everything is ok

A friend in need is friend in deed

Waiting to plant a seed of hope and joy

Even now let's pretend everything is ok


	45. Safe and Happy For Now

Erin's p.o.v

Safe and happy for now

I can finally relax

God will handle all the rest

Hope and faith bring out the best in me

A test can be a stumbling block or learning experience

Passing through

Providence

Your friendly face warms my heart and I am forever grateful that I met you

One epic long sugar rush

Unaffected by anguish

Rainbows in the sky

Unspoken thoughts and prayers

Safe and happy for now

This Christmas spirit of mine


	46. Forever My Friend and My Blood

Olivia's p.o.v

Forever my friend and my blood, only God knows how good you have been to me. Reaching the

mountaintop together, nothing can stop us now.


	47. She Who Endured and Grew The Most

Erin's p.o.v

Wrestling with God, she who endured and grew the most. I am at a loss for words.


	48. A White, Black, and Gray Reality

Olivia's p.o.v

Such a bittersweet blessing

Lingering fear and worry

A white, black, and gray reality

Chasing life and battling cancer at the same time


	49. My Unexpected Second Wake Up Call

Erin's p.o.v

My unexpected second wake up call

Almost losing you forever again


	50. Even Now I am Holding Out For Tomorrow

Olivia's p.o.v

You can sense my pain and sorrow.

Even now I am holding out for tomorrow.

I refuse to give into fear or false hope.


End file.
